Sake, Sex and a rumbling stomach
by Daismo
Summary: -"Oh you're hungry or something?" Urahara chirped and grinned wickedly "You should have asked for seconds, you know?" he snickered at his own joke.- Hungry Renji, wicked Urahara, and YAOI boys and girls!


Urahara Kisuke / Abarai Renji

Christmas Fic for sweetseme on Y!

Note:  
Japanese words used in this fic will be explained in the omake!

_roaaar_

Renji awoke, during the middle of the night, by his constantly rumbling stomach.

Once again in the living world, he was staying at Urahara Shoten - as Freeloader.

The consequences were the same as ever - taunting behavior towards him, derisive nickname, and, worst of all,_ no seconds_.

this isn't the way a fuku teichou should be treated he thought shifting around, I _must_ change it somehow!

He always swore to himself never to stay at Urahara's again, to ask Ichigo instead, but like always, he hadn't had the guts.

Besides, Rukia's already staying at his place.

It always tugged at his heartstrings when he saw how they behaved towards each other, which made him feel horrible, since he just wanted both to be happy.

I'm pathetic... he sat up here I am, just whining about everything; They're my best friends, and I am _jealous_.. _roaar_ ..and hungry

He sighed.

I should go and ask Urahara for something _anything_ to eat...

He got up and walked out of his room.

Luckily, Urahara was still awake - he sat in perfect stillness, with lights turned out, and drank sake.

"Oi, Urahara-san, why're you sitting around in the dark?"

"Abarai-kun~!" Urahara greeted him "I don't want to wake Tessai and the kids. How can I help you~?" He smiled that Urahara-smile you never could tell anything from.

"I- " _roaar_ - Renji's stomach answered himself.

"Oh~ you're hungry or something?" Urahara chirped and grinned wickedly "You should have asked for seconds, you know?" he snickered at his own joke.

Renji went a bit red with anger rising "It's not that I don't _wanna_ ask - It's that I just _can't_!" He blurted out

"Is that so~?" Urahara sing-sanged

"Yes it is. You know pretty well how to prevent that!" Renji could have slapped himself great - another stupid discussion with Urahara, giving him just more ammo to mock at me..

Urahara grinned again, turning once more to his sake cup.

"Why don't you sit down, Abarai-kun~?" He asked

Renji shifted from one foot to the other and finally sat down.

"You want some sake~?"

Renji was stunned "uhm.. yes why not?" he said before he thought that's it Renji - make yourself owe him even more!

Urahara got another cup, which was like - huge, filled it with sake, and handed it over to Renji.

Renji, still angry with Urahara, and even more with himself, downed the cup like he tried to drown his anger, well actually - _he tried_.

"mo ichído Abarai-kun~?"

"Hai!" Renji exclaimed, still pretty pissed.

Urahara filled his cup again, and at least three more times before starting to speak again.

"So~ you claim I _prevent_ you from asking for seconds...?" Urahara fluttered his fan.

"Exactly" Renji muttered, already slightly drunk due to the sake he already had.

A wicked grin spread across Urahara's face "What exactly gives you this idea~?"

Renji stared at the older man. Blinked. When the words had made it through his dazed mind, he went crimson immediately, causing his face to match his hair.

" 'r you friggin' mocking at me?" he blurted

"Have I ever make fun of you Abarai-kun~?" asked Urahara innocently* while suppressing his urgent need to laugh, nearly choking behind his fan.

If Renji hadn't been angry until this, he would have been by now.

"Ya didn't just ask that, did ya?" he hissed, not too drunk to remember Ururu, Jinta and Tessai, who already slept.

When Urahara wasn't answering, Renji slowly approached "Ya.. didn't just.." he begun once more

Watching the slightly taller, heavier, and besides drunken and raging man in front of him, Urahara couldn't help it any more - he burst out in laughter (which made Renji wonder - somewhere in the depths of his dazed and adrenaline whipped mind - if that guy was _really_ insane).

"Whass so funny?"

Renji felt the exiled Shinigami played some wicked, brain-fucking game with him, but he hadn't a clue what the elder aimed for. But getting him really mad was obviously a certain factor.

Renji drank another cup, although he felt like he should stop.

The longer the alcohol was pumping through his veins, the warmer it seemed to get.

Suddenly his clothes felt too tight, especially in a certain area, which would have made him go red, if he hadn't been due to the anger and sake.

Still he prayed for Urahara not to notice, and he's pleas seemed to work - the other male never focused lower than his chest.

Nevertheless, Urahara suddenly snickered and chirped "So~ anger is arousing you, _Abarai-kun_~?"

"Cut it out ya pervy old man!"

"Yare, yare, yare ... you should watch your mouth and speak respectful to elders~!"

"'s not that I ain't doin' so, but why should I particularly respect _you_?" Renji growled

"Age can teach you so much my young friend ~" Urahara practically purred

"Yeah? An' what can ya teach me? How to mistreat ma guests?" Renji spitted

Urahara seemed to weigh his words well, judging by the time he took before he answered.

"Eeto... maybe how to deal with certain ... _problems_ you have ~" there it was again - Urahara Kisuke's trademark grin, half covered by his always present fan.

Renji's eyes widened when he understood what the other man had just proposed. And once more he spoke without even think about what he actually was saying.

"_You_ want to teach _me_?" he growled "don'tcha dare to mess with me! 's more like _I_ could teach _you_!"

"Is that so? Abarai-kun~?" Urahara hid his content smile behind his fan - he had the younger Shinigami where he wanted him.

"'s so!" Renji growled

"Do you have _any_ proof for _such_ a bold claim~ ?" Urahara precisely accented every single syllable, while pointing them out with his fan.

Renji now was reigned by primal instincts.

He rushed up, threw himself upon the blonde, and had him pinned to the floor the next second.

"Ya need proof?" he gnarled "ya can hav'it. Hope ya deal with the consequences _Urahara-san_!"

Within seconds Renji had the shop keeper stripped naked under him, just leaving him his beloved hat.

What he saw made him shiver in anticipation.

"Seems like you're the one to need help dealing with certain _problems_" he rasped in Urahara's ear "...né?"

He still had the other man's hands pinned above his head, holding them down with one of his hands. He slowly let the other travel down a lean and yet well muscled arm, to slide across a well-toned chest, where he shortly paused to tease already hard nipples.

He pinched each of them until they looked all red and puffy, making Urahara whimper lowly.

He let his hand travel further, teasing the man beneath him for two reasons: rage and revenge.

He maneuvered his hand around Urahara's already leaking cock, and caressed the inner thighs, his eyes darting around, until his gaze met what he had looked for.

Next think Urahara realized was that he had his hands not only bound to his table, but also with his very own sash.

Renji marveled at the sight, obviously content with his idea.

Then he captured Urahara's mouth in a fiery kiss, hard and demanding. Their tongues fought for dominance, until they had to break for air.

Urahara was the first to gain back control over his breath.

"...I have to admit, that you_ do_ have certain tongue skills..." he purred "...concerning kissing~ !"

"Is that so~ ?" Renji retorted by imitating Urahara's sing-sang voice, "then wait until you get to know my furthermore ..._tongue skills_!"

Urahara did his best to hide his content smile, when the tattooed man's head moved towards his cock.

He had done this _ages_ ago, if he had been aware of how easy it would be to seduce Renji.

His musing found a sudden end when those vicious lips brushed the leaking tip.

Renji _sure_ had tongue skills that could drive like _anybody_ insane; not that Urahara would admit this fact - but his hoarse moans and harsh panting were a dead give-away.

The red-head used his host's distraction to start prepping him. He slicked up two fingers with saliva and slowly encircled the tight ring of muscles, probing slightly.

Then he pushed in the first finger knuckle by knuckle.

Revenge - yes, but still he didn't want to hurt the other one.

Urahara exhaled shakily, suppressing a cry of bliss, when Renji hit his prostate first try.

The tattooed male curled his finger to brush over this sensitive bundle of nerves again, to add the second finger while the blonde was withering under him.

He now scissored his fingers, to stretch the shop keeper slowly.

Said one begun to push back on his fingers, slowly moving his hips in time to meet Renji's movements.

Renji's own breath hitched at the sight, and his arousal stirred eager. He pushed in the third finger, to stretch Urahara enough he could enter him without hurting him, but to keep him still as tight as possible.

Renji slowly got up, and picked Urahara's legs up, to rest them on his shoulders.

He brought his own throbbing erection lined up to Urahara's puckered entrance and slicked it up quickly before he finally buried himself inside the man who was the devil to him.

Once he was fully sheathed he forced himself to remain still, until the blonde male began to move his hips impatiently.

Renji started with a rather slow, but steady and heavy rhythm, increasing depths and force with every jolt.

When Urahara stopped to ask him to go faster, and he had him reduced to a moaning and wantonly something, he finally sped up pace, pumping Urahara's neglected arousal in a harsh, matching rhythm.

It just took a few strokes to send the shop keeper over the edge, his muscles clamping around Renji's hard-on, sending him over the edge as well.

He collapsed on Urahara.

~the next morning~

_roaaar_

Renji awoke, the sun on his face, by his constantly rumbling stomach.

Dammit! I'm so hungry. he sat up on his futon.

Slightly confused when he felt his head spinning, last night's memories hit him like a punch in the guts.

was that a dream.. or was that real? he mused well... I guess, I'll realize as soon as I'm at breakfast...

With a slightly odd feeling in his groin and stomach, he strolled inside the dining room.

"Ahh.. isourou-dono, good morning" Urahara greeted him.

Renji sighed unheard so it's been a dream.. a weird one, but a dream nonetheless

He sat down and ate his small portion in silence, thanked Urahara and Tessai for the meal, and went to get ready for the day.

He still wasn't sure if he should be worried about what he had been dreaming or sad that it actually just had been a dream.

Entering the dining room again to tell the for he was leaving for today, he discovered Tessai and the kids were already gone, busy doing stuff around the Shoten.

There he sat, Urahara Kisuke, smiling that predatory smile you just couldn't tell anything from, busy preparing a rather luxurious bento.

"Just wanted to tell ya all I'm out for today, 's goin' to get late." Renji said, shifting uneasy, because that bento reminded him of his own empty stomach, which wouldn't get food that night, since he'd be home late.

"Souiukotoka...." Urahara finished the bento, wrapped it, and rose from his place, walking towards Renji.

"Then you may enjoy this." he grinned and shoved the bento in the hands of an pretty much flatted Renji.

"Tonight, same time, my room. There'll be sake and snacks.." Urahara said, he hadn't to finish his sentence though; Renji got the message anyway. ..._and sex_.

THE END!?

* * *

omake

*well.. as innocently as for Urahara Kisuke possible...(which means a little to next to nothing xD)

translations (japanese - english)

_mo ichído_ - again / one more (YES, Urahara is offering seconds to Renji xD)

_yare_ - Oh!/ Ah! / Oh dear! / Dear me! / Aah! / Thank God! (yare yare yare is Urahara's maybe most used phrase in the japanese original)

_eeto_ - well / let me see / er...

_...né?_ - ...right?

_isourou-dono_ - _isourou_ means freeloader and _dono_ is a formal suffix, like _san_, _sama_, etc. It's the Shoten's staff's favorites mocking-word for Renji

_souiukotoka_ - I got it; I see; I now know; So that's the reason

word count: 1964

disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, that would be Tite Kubo. I'm not making money outta this, I just wrote for the fun of it -and because I granted sweetseme a wish for a FanFic by the way: thanks for the wish, this was so much fun to write! I'm sorry I screwed your prompt (info: the prompt was tattoes xD), though. I hope you like this nevertheless.

Speaking of fun.. it sure was a hella lotta fun to write this! I enjoyed writing Urahara so goddamn much... xD poor Renji, though. Come to think of it... maybe not poor Renji. He's actually quite lucky, getting to screw Urahara and everything... xD


End file.
